If...

I hate the word if...because for me it symbolizes regret, cowardice and ungratefulness. But I always wondered if I can relive or have the power to choose in my life...What do I really want? And why? But aside from what I will be written next, I still am grateful for the life I have now, for sure it's not the best but still I consider myself to be lucky and well compared to others...here goes...

If I can choose I want to be born during...
- the age of golden Hollywood era. The period when they made the classics that I love. I love movies and I always wondered what does it felt like to watch the premiere of the great classic like Gone With The Wind, Casablanca, Ben Hur...That time, film is all about the strength of the plot and powerful acting. It's the things that they can afford, they can't have bombastic effects, CGI, blockbuster and such. It's all depend on the script, the direction and the acting. For me, that's good literature. But I do experience great movie premiere in my life. Can't forget The Return of The Kings, The Dark Knight and next week, Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince, can't wait!!!

If I can change my childhood...
- I should learn to master a good skill. Like dancing, playing guitar and maybe poetry reading. Being young is nice, everything inside you are fresh, your senses are developing and like Malay idiom, melentur buluh biar dari rebung...I always wonder if I do have one talent, it would be such a good outlet and stress release for me if I'm down. Let's say if I can play the guitar, whenever I feel down or bored...I can always find ways for soothe myself, to do something I'm particularly good at...

If I can relive my school time
- Maybe I should study harder...and I should take English literature for my SPM instead of Arabic because I am complete klutz with it. Then I would fall in love with it sooner than I've known. I probably should be more vocal of what I can do. I always known that I have the thirst to prove myself but seeing the school favoring 'The Gods' for everything, I keep my trap shut. It was during university that I finally able to quench my thirst but hell, it's ok...

If I can change my physical appearance
- I would like to be a little taller. I would love to have a little less oily skin so that my pores doesn't explode like mad!!! I wish I have a stomach that never gets hungry so that I can use my money for charity instead of food. But still, I do find myself liking the way I look. I may not be the hottest or the most beautiful but I do think I have great qualities. Like my smile, my ex-students said it's infectious and also, my small thigh. I can fit into slim fit pants without any problem! Of course, bigger boobs doesn't hurt anyone so it's ok for wishing it I guess...

If I can wish anything for my friends...
- I wish them to never change for the rest of my life. I wish Aliaa for always being here for me and can stand my stupidity for the rest of her life. I wish Azrol will be like I always see him, the adorable clueless but empathic to the end. I wish Abg La would stay to be simple as he's always been when we first knew him and Shimi would always hang out with us with his brighter than sun yellow crocs and keep doing the first thing he does everytime he sees us, he would nudge Aliaa's head. But it wasn't fair for them to not change because of I wish it. I'm just a little pieces of their lives and they are free to lead their lives as the way they see it fits. And as a friend, I shall continue to be supportive and happy for whatever they decide to do. But still, I considered myself to be lucky because I have friends that I can proudly pronounce to be friends with me for the rest of my life...

If I can have another job beside teaching...
- I always wish that I can live 5 times...so I can be 5 different persons. I can be a teacher, a writer, a theater director, a restaurant owner and a zoo keeper. I can experience live in 5 different areas and perhaps 5 different cities and 5 different kind of satisfaction. But I know, beggars can't be choosers. We are beggars in this world because it's all just a loan from Allah. So I end up choosing the best out of the 5 options right now, which is teaching. But still, it wouldn't hurt to still trying to do the others, restaurant owner especially...

If I can be experience world events...
- I want to be in the crowd during 31th August 1957, when we declared independence. I want to be in the crowd when they torn off Berlin Wall, I want to be present when our beloved Prophet reciting his last sermon and I want to attend the opening of Rose Theater, the place that Shakespeare used to debut his plays. Lastly, I want to be in crowd when they were shooting the chariot race scene in Ben Hur, I love that scene so much!!!

If I can have all the riches in the world...
- I want to provide my parents a good life. I want to see all the wonders in the world before it perish, the wonders of Giza, The Great Wall, the aurora sky, the Grand Canyon...I make sure that I give to charity and to ensure that every kids deserve proper education. I make sure the orangutan, the whale, the panda and such are repopulated. That's material wise...if I were granted riches in spiritual wise, I want to share it with the ones that I loved so that they will never get hurt and lead their lives with calmness in their lives...

If I can choose the manner I die...
- I will agree with Grissom choice. I don't want to die in a car accident or being kill and such. I think I like to die from a long illness. So that I can set my affairs and said proper goodbyes to the one that I love. If I want to die sudden, I would like to have while doing something noble, like saving someone from burning building or during childbirth...but in whatever manner, I hope I can leave the world with the blessing from my god and my family and friends....