Something are better left unsaid....

Being a serial guest at weddings, I noticed some usual pattern that people tend to do. Wedding reception do exist to celebrate happiness but I do believe it also invite a feeling of annoyance, resentment and even bitter acceptance of the cold hard truth. And the perfect ways of inviting the excruciating pain feeling is when some people made out questions and statements that are better left unsaid. Here are some that I noted and the one I resent

1. Question: Bila ko nak kawin plak? - for the singles
Dah kawin ni, xnak anak ke? - for the married
Dah ada sorang, bila nak tambah lagi? - for the married with 1 kid

Why I personally hate it? Number one: it's a personal choice. By right, a person can choose to marry whenever he or she wants. Number two: Nothing is going to affect the one who's asking if he or she is getting married or not so why bother asking? Number three: subconsciously we may hurt the one we asked. Maybe he or she just broken off engagement or found out that they are having problem with conceiving. But I'm not ruling that the question is out of bound. It can be asked of course, but by closest friends or family and it should not be followed by sub question such as la lambatnyer lagi, apasal lama sgt...

2. Statement: Cepat2 la kawin, nanti melepas, seronok kawin ni tau...

reason for hating it: It's irrational to ask someone to get married quickly when he or she knows for him or herself that they are in no fit state to get married. No 1 issue, when someone urge it, please think of another question: with whom should this person married? Marriage is not an issue of going to shopping malls, pick up the goodies and come home. It's an arrangement when there is no warranty, no return, no rebate and no satisfaction guaranteed. What you have is what you have for life. Another reason is just because marriage seems to work for everybody does not mean it's working for everybody. Put it this way, milk is good for your health but deadly for those whom are lactose intolerant or have milk allergies. Just because it is good that does not mean it applies to everybody. Still I'm not denying that married people is definitely happier but once again, it's personal choice.

3. Statement: Ko ni jgn memilih sgt nanti susah...

Reason for hating it: Ok, do you know me from Adam???? How on earth can you determine that I'm a choosy person based solely on the fact that I'm coming to a wedding with friends not spouses? This is again, personal choice, and plus what is wrong with screening process? Like I said, marriage is for life. And most of my friends whom are single, I found out that they don't have a tight screening process is just: a) they haven't met the right person b) they met the one but he/she just wasn't meant to be c) they are focusing in other aspects of life or d) they are happy just the way they are. So why can't you just let them be?

This is the last statement and by far the one I hated and resent the most...

Statement: Ko ni jangan melebih2 sangat nanti xde laki berani nak dekat ngan ko...

Reason: If a man said this, the only fit statement worth to replied is 'That's your problem, not our problem'. Please people, we are not cavemen anymore...women deserve to get to the top just like man does and women have the right to have successful career just like men shooting for. Just because we are genetically engineered to get our hands dirty in kitchen and in diapers, that does not deny the right for women to get their hands dirty in the office as well. And what's better for personal growth if not competition? So men, of you're saying something like this, are you afraid of competition? Plus, afraid of the contestant of a 'weaker sex'? I am not being feminist nor condemning the XX population, it's just it's really getting on my nerve when I heard such cavemen statement.

If a woman said this, the only thing that I can think of is 'please don't do injustice to your mother, your friends and plus to yourself'. By saying that, you limited yourself to what you can achieve and blind for what you actually can achieve. Just like Barrack Obama said, there's two type of worlds: the world as it is and the world as it should have been. When you said that, you're accepting the world as it is and you conform to what others conform you not by what you want to. But if you can see the world as what it should have been, you can see change. That women can have both marriage and career as priority and plus other dreams that can expand beyond your imagination. And plus, career moms bring more income to household lead to better living condition. I'm not saying that women should disregard marriage but for me marriage should not be THE ONLY priority...

So there you have it, the things that I resent to hear and to be questioned during weddings. Let just hope that people do get some common sense and avoid these...