Of apple pies and cherry pies...

We lived by numbers. I don't know who the hell that invented the arbitrary symbol resembling number because whomever he or she was, it caused me a hell during my period of learning mathematics and try my best to make sense of it. But I've come to terms that numbers are important in our lives. It makes sense of when is our birthdays, how much a thing cost, how many children you're planning and many others. And out of the system of digits, arises bunch of other things that potentially lethal for me like geometry, vector, quadratic and others. And oh one of them, probability...wow, such hard times...

Speaking broadly about probability, it's always down to two or three options (i'm not a genius, don't bother to correct me) which are yes, no and maybe. I like the yes and no odds, because it's definitive and it doesn't take a genius to understand.

Put it yes or no together, we can make out two groups, which are the majority and the minority. Ironically in my life, I tend to be in the minority group. For example, I spent my teenagers years wearing braces that eventually does nothing, went to a religious school, getting to B.ED TESL after finishing my diploma and trust me, if you do a research, I will enter the minority group and by all means, I'm fine with it. But I also belong to another minority group, out of all people who tend to end up with apple pie, I recently found a cherry pie and I fell in love with it. And seemly, I raised several question of why I'm choosing cherry pie instead of apple pie. For others, apple pie is obviously the easier choice, it's ready-made, less hassle and everyone seems to have adjusted by it. But that's the thing, I wasn't looking for an easier choice, I was looking for the right choice and the truth is I've fell in love with the cherry pie and I'm sticking by it.

I've found out that there are two types of reason of uncertainty of my choice. The external uncertainty and the internal uncertainty. Ironically (typical), my biggest fear comes from the internal uncertainty but most problems now comes from the external uncertainty. The external comes from people who kept asking me 'Why put yourself into trouble?' 'Why don't you stick to the apple pie?' and the list of question can go on and on...tell you the truth, I'm not even sure myself. I'm not denying the fact that apple pies are delicious and I'm had tried it before but sadly, it's not my flavor. And I'm not even sure if cherry pie is really the right flavor for me, but honestly I like to know the answer myself and having others decided for me.The best way to deal with this is to ignore and not to listen but sadly it's a slim chance. Sadly, most of the people who raised questions are people that I can never abandon under any circumstances. They are scrutinizing my life down to every dirt but I owe a lifetime debt to them. And sadly, I have to face the probability that this problem will never end forever. New people will come, new question will be raised and new answers need to be prepared.

My internal uncertainty are mostly issues that I have to deal with to make adjustment. How am I going to accommodate the cherry pie in my life? What are the chances of successfully mixing the apple pies and the cherry pies in my picnic basket? Will I not get bored with it and how to make sure the pie will never be rotten? To handle it, I'm not even sure myself but I know there's always a way.

For now, against many wills, I'm still sticking out for my cherry pie. Sometimes I do wonder, is it because I really love it or is it just the normal reaction of my rebellious and stubborn character, the drive that compel me to prove that I'm right and I'm different. But then I realized whenever I took a whiff of the cherry pie, it took me back at the moment when it captures me and mesmerizes me and that's what make this choice is a worth cause to fight on. I'm not sure whether I can make it but hell yeah, I will not be taken down easily..